A Dramatic Case of Projective Identification and Victim-Offender Reversal
Any emotionally-balanced person will be able to recognize that the letter below is not the issuance of a healthy individual (it also comes with 108 pages of exhibits). Those with a forensic background will find a treasure trove of relentless deflection, obsessive control, aggressive victim-offender reversal, and delusional-level projective identification. Those with experience managing violent perpetrators will be able to assess what extreme dangers he poses. Yet, neither Child Protective Services nor the Family Court have responded to my many mandated reports since April 2023, despite the highest-level warnings I gave. Their reasons for rejecting each of my reports were: “A case is already open” (my first report); “This is a duplicate report” (my report on a second child); and again, “This is a duplicate report” (my report on a third child and a new incident). When I called a supervisor, she politely asked me to email her my recommendations on how to investigate especially dangerous personalities, as is my specialty — but since then, I have not once heard back from her. Since my involvement in Family Court cases, I have learned that CPS investigations are not independent: they do almost anything Family Courts say — and this, in large part, may explain the abysmal outcomes, for even extreme incompetence is not always wrong, only with Family Courts. It is for these reasons that I attach the letter below in full, also for my own protection — and will be contacting the local police, the state police, the district attorney’s office, and the FBI. Shame on Family Courts for enabling such dangerous personalities to become exponentially more dangerous, for capitalizing on their extreme aggression and manipulative “skill” to endanger innocent children, loving parents, and those who would protect them — leaving no option for safety but sunlight. Sunlight will also be the disinfectant for dangerous personalities’ use of threats, intimidation, and abuse of corrupt courts: one day, their own litigiousness will land them in actual discovery, and accountability.
Re: Your Relentless Unethical Professional Conduct, Defamation, and Harassment
It has come to my attention that you are maliciously libeling, slandering and defaming me in print and on multiple sites on the Internet, including frankreport.com and medicum.com, and that you have tediously re-published your inflammatory lies to others to exponentially increase the number of people to whom you defame me, exacerbating the severe damage you cause. Here are samples of your defamatory articles: https://bandyxlee.medium.com/an-alternative-court-of-unspeakable-criminality-violence-and-abuse-75c6244f71fc https://frankreport.com/2023/10/08/famed-pyschiatrist-dr-bandy-x-lee-the-egregious-case-of-christopher-ambrose-how-ct-family-court-failed-karen-riordan-and-her-children/ Since at least May 2023, you have published vicious falsehoods about me, including that I sexually abused my children, among other reprehensible acts. Even the hint of such vile crimes can destroy someone’s reputation, cause emotional distress, and catastrophic financial ruin. You have gone way beyond hinting. Your false statements track with granular specificity those made by my ex-wife, Karen Riordan, and her live-in boyfriend, Frank Parlato, Jr., a felon on home confinement after taking a plea on a 19-count indictment for fraud and money laundering. 1 Karen is deeply troubled. Since 2019, she has falsely stated — and coached our children to falsely state — that I sexually abused our kids. These false statements could have sent me to prison for years. Child protection and law enforcement agencies in three states — CT, NY, and RI — have investigated these statements. They determined every statement to be false. Every. Single. One. Due to Karen’s unconscionable lies and erratic behavior, I was awarded sole legal and physical custody of our three minor children in April 2020. Karen is not even permitted to have contact (let alone visitation) unless she has a complete psychiatric evaluation and intensive therapy to eliminate her need to destroy my relationship with the kids. https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdny/pr/local-businessman-and-associate-indicted-fraud-and- 1 money-laundering-charges Unfortunately, Karen has ignored the court orders and her misconduct has continued to be so egregious I had to get protective orders against her on behalf of the kids on August 8. She was held in contempt of those orders on September 15, and DCF has substantiated a case of psychological child abuse against her. Yet you suggest that I have custody because I manipulated a corrupt system. This lie has subjected me to additional public ridicule, embarrassment, and humiliation. You use your credentials to add credibility to your defamatory statements. Yet you violate the ethics of your profession by branding me a psychopath and a danger to children and accusing me of the most heinous sexual abuse. But you don’t mention that you have never met me, that your “diagnosis” is based solely on Karen’s word and unspecified “writings.” Your conduct is as malicious and as it is staggeringly unethical. The “evidence” you offer to substantiate your despicable lies is transparently specious. One posted video contains “interviews” with my kids from 2020, paid for by Karen. DCF and medical professionals at two major hospitals spoke with the kids and determined the statements made are completely baseless. You purport to have heard recordings of me threatening my daughter “with vaginal penetration as punishment for minor misbehavior.” I never made such a threat, so what you claim you heard is not truthful. Moreover, if that recording includes what you claim, Karen would have given it to DCF and the police long ago, and I would be in prison. That you didn’t fact-check the falsehoods before publishing is further evidence of malice or reckless disregard for the truth. Your conduct in publishing these comments violates statutory and common law. You deliberately and maliciously published false and misleading statements about me in your videos and the comments thereto intending to subject me to hatred, distrust, ridicule, contempt and/or disgrace. This constitutes defamation. Your conduct was so intentionally outrageous you knew it would invite public scrutiny and cause me severe shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. This constitutes intentional infliction of emotional distress. You have also electronically communicated with words and images directed at me in a way that constitutes harassment and cyberstalking, which are crimes. I will not go through each statement on your videos/comments, that may be done at another time in another forum. I will provide you with the facts of our case to demonstrate how inaccurate and, therefore, actionable your many false statements are. FACTS OF THE CASE Karen and I married in 2004. We adopted a girl (MA) and boy (MCA) as babies from Guatemala in 2007 and a second boy (SA) at birth in Utah in 2010. Your claims that I mostly lived in Hollywood away from my family to pursue a career are inaccurate. We lived together, first in LA, then on the East Coast. For approximately 14 months, I commuted to every weekend between LA and NY (at great expense) because Karen refused to move back to LA, though the kids were only in pre-school. During that period, I believed Karen was having an affair. I confronted her, and she didn’t deny it. Her response was, “I had to do something for myself.” I still don’t know if the affair was why she refused to move or if it started later. But after that, I turned down all work in LA. This came at great financial/career sacrifice, but she refused to relocate, and I wanted the marriage to succeed. Karen was always a stay-at-home mom, and I was a very attentive father. I attended every little league game, birthday party, and teacher conference. Karen can’t say the same, as she often had issues with teachers and administrators, and eventually the whole school system; more than once she excoriated the school board at public meetings. Westport has one of the best school systems in the country, but Karen decided that it “failed” all three of our children. She insisted that we send them to private school, which we did at considerable cost for us and hassles for them. KAREN’S EARLY ABUSE ALLEGATIONS It was around then (2017) that we realized the marriage wasn’t working. We went to three marriage counselors; Karen quit all three. I was staying in the marriage because of the kids. I decided to get out once I noticed she was turning them against me. I filed for divorce in July 2019, requesting shared custody and a 50/50 asset split. I thought this would preserve peace, especially for the kids. But Karen immediately went scorched earth. Within days, she lied about me to her uncle and aunt, saying I was physically abusing our older son. A physician and nursery school teacher, they’re both mandated reporters. But they knew Karen her whole life, and said they didn’t report anything. That tells you all you need to know about Karen’s credibility. Within two weeks, Karen told the Westport PD I was stalking her. Soon, she disappeared with the kids. It took days to find them. I later learned she took their phones and told them I no longer loved them. She refused to return to Connecticut. This was all before we stepped foot in court. Judge Rodriguez, the first of many judges in our case, heard about Karen’s false allegations and erratic behavior and appointed a custody evaluator, Dr. Jessica Biren Caverly, recommended by Karen’s first attorney (she had five), and a Guardian ad Litem. You also professionally assassinate Dr. Caverly. Far more reputable professionals than you have attested that Dr. Caverly is well-respected. Dr. Caverly’s reputation was also unfairly destroyed by two felons, one of whom you frequently work with, Frank Parlato, Jr., Karen’s live-in boyfriend who publishes frankreport.com; the other, Paul Boyne, who published the virulently antisemitic/racist familycourtcircus.com, is now in prison for cyberstalking. Just before she was 2 2 https://portal.ct.gov/DCJ/Press-Room/Press-Releases/07242023Boyne to testify in our case, Dr. Caverly was threatened that she better be “fair” to Karen. After this 3 threat and the brutal defamation she suffered, Dr. Caverly no longer does custody evaluations. Another career destroyed. Karen demanded sole custody. Since our divorce trial wouldn’t start for months, Judge Rodriguez gave her temporary primary custody and I got limited visitation. During this period, the kids grew increasingly hostile toward me. They’d insult me and say everything I did was “stupid.” When I’d ask why they thought so, the answer invariably started, “Mom says…” They also told me they weren’t allowed to leave SA alone with me because I’m “like Michael Jackson.” Another time, MA told me, “Mom says you wear a scarf cause you’re gay.” They spit on me and threw sticks at my car. It became apparent to the experts, including the children’s therapists, that Karen was engaging in severe Parental Alienation (“PA”). This is a dynamic where one parent deliberately turns the kids against the “targeted” parent without justification. To be clear: there is no reason for the kids to turn on the targeted parent, but the alienator convinces them he is unloving, even dangerous, and forces them to reject him or risk losing her affection. PA has devastating long-term consequences for the alienated child and the targeted parent, who is demonized and actively excluded from the children’s lives. It is recognized as an especially insidious form of child abuse, and the professional literature says it involves the same sort of psychological manipulation done in cults. 4 To date, every mental health expert involved in our case — now over 12 professionals, many selected by Karen — says she is among the most extreme alienators they’ve seen. Our family is a PA case study in a graduate psych course. Karen even falsely alleged that I sexually abused the kids. There had never been any allegations before I filed for divorce, but after, DCF was peppered with anonymous calls about me. She also coached the kids to make abuse allegations. She wanted to send me to prison. DCF conducted intensive investigations that involved police detectives and Yale New Haven Hospital. As awful as these experiences were for me, they were far worse for the kids. That their mother made them go through this ordeal — more than once — based on lies makes it all the more tragic. As Judge Adelman would later state in his Memorandum of Decision, April 26, 2022 (“The Decision, attached hereto as EXHIBIT A), every allegation against me was found to be baseless. “On the contrary,” Adelman wrote, “there have been several determinations of coaching by [Karen] or [MA] telling the other children what to say at the direction of the [mother].” (The Dr. Caverly wasn’t the only witness threatened. Karen had an attorney she wanted to 3 represent the kids. They had a falling out, and the attorney testified that she was told she better check the brake fluid in her car. https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/a-silent-epidemic-parental-alienation. 4 Decision at p. 19). The court transcripts are publicly available; had you bothered to fact-check, you would know this. The children also reported that Karen told them to say that “[the father] was gay, watches pornography, and that he [the youngest child] should tell people those things.” (The Decision p. 19). Karen also told them I “paid off” the GAL, custody evaluator, their therapists, and even the judge. So, she intentionally poisoned them against the people society appointed to protect them, leaving them to believe they could trust only her. When the custody evaluation was complete in April 2020, Judge Grossman awarded me sole custody for 90 days to repair the damage Karen’s alienation caused to my relationship with the kids. Karen wasn’t to contact them during that period, the typically prescribed remedy when one parent is an alienator. But within days, Karen sent the kids dozens of texts from a burner phone. She ordered them to accuse me of abuse (“Tell Dr. S that dad touched your penis… Delete this text or I’ll never see you again.”) When the judge saw these texts, she ordered Karen’s visits after the 90 days to be supervised. Again, this is the usual remedy for an unrepentant alienating parent. The supervision ends once the alienator stops maligning the targeted parent, in most cases in 4–6 weeks. I immediately paid the supervisor’s retainer and completed the lengthy paperwork. But, to everyone’s shock, Karen refused to visit the kids because she found supervision “insulting.” The GAL and I begged her — many times — to reconsider, but she refused all entreaties. Before I got temporary custody and the alienation was manifesting with the kids insulting me and refusing to come to the door, I never missed a scheduled visit. I wanted them to know I loved them unconditionally. I understood that they were victims of the alienation, too, and I wasn’t quitting on them. I couldn’t imagine putting my pride ahead of seeing our children. But Karen chose not to see them — ultimately for three full years! — because she was insulted that she required temporary supervision. Though Karen wasn’t seeing the kids, she used burner phones to continue her unrelenting alienation. She also employed third parties, like Jill Jones Soderman, a disgraced “child abduction expert,” who pretended to be a 14-year-old girl and started texting MA, saying the FBI was investigating me for producing kiddie porn, I had gay hookups while the kids were at school, and I only wanted custody to hurt their Mom. In an incomprehensible move, Karen had MA record sessions with her therapist, and then she posted them online with her blogger friends. THE SEX ABUSE “INTERVIEWS” In December 2020, Karen went to another jurisdiction to apply for restraining orders (“ROs”) against me. She didn’t mention that I had custody or that she had no-contact orders. She repeated her false allegations that I molested the kids. The judge granted the ROs, and Karen took them from their schools. Karen’s deception is discussed on p. 2 and p. 4 in the Grievance Statement from the Connecticut Disciplinary Committee attached as EXHIBIT B. Within 24 hours, my attorney got the orders vacated by the same judge who granted them. Judge Grossman, our trial judge at the time, called an emergency status conference when she learned of Karen’s fraudulent ROs. But Karen didn’t show up. (She often skipped hearings/court sessions when challenged on her poor behavior). She even refused to speak when the judge called her from court. Grossman ordered the children restored to my custody, but when the police went to Karen’s home, she and the kids were gone. We would later learn that they were hiding in a hotel 25 miles away. Karen left the kids at the hotel with Manuel Gomez, who conducts the “interviews” in the video you posted. Gomez runs a one-person investigation operation out of an apartment above a laundry in the Bronx. He has lied about being hospitalized for mental illness and has a violent past, including at least three arrests and accusations of DV and strangulation. He was fired for cause by the NYPD, which took the unusual step of notifying its officers to stay away from him. 5 The kids later reported that Gomez asked them questions about the abuse they supposedly suffered at my hands, and then he filmed their practiced answers. Once the rehearsed video was complete, Karen took them to Connecticut Children’s Hospital (“CCH”) to repeat the abuse allegations. Karen didn’t take them to the much closer Yale New Haven Hospital because a few months before, the kids had reported these same incidents at Yale, and medical staff and DCF (specifically investigator Tomas Villanueva, who MA references in the interview) determined there had been no abuse. In a written decision, attached as EXHIBIT C, Judge Moukawsher discusses at length the allegations the children describe in this video. “The [90-page DCF] report shows that over half a dozen DCF experts and supervisors studied the abuse claims. A male child told a medical professional during a visit to Yale that his father once touched his penis through his clothes while tickling him…A female child said her father touched her breast and buttocks through her clothes. She said she was angry with him and missed her mother. At certain points while DCF investigated, the father was separated from his children. DCF repeatedly spoke with the children. They spoke with one of the children’s therapists, two other therapists, the guardian ad litem, and a custody evaluator. They spoke with Christopher Ambrose repeatedly and monitored how he was running his home. They spoke with the children’s mother, her therapist, and her lawyer. All three experts involved with the children said they had no concerns about the father’s behavior and that no child made any abuse claims to them. DCF declared the abuse claims to be unsubstantiated… baseless… unwarranted… [In short,] DCF didn’t believe the abuse claims against https://www.nydailynews.com/2020/05/29/high-profile-private-eye-manuel-gomez- 5 busted-for-choking-queens-building-superintendent/ https://nypost.com/2017/08/24/nypd-detectives-warned-about-pi-behind-lawsuits/ Christopher Ambrose. The Report doesn’t document DCF or anyone else believing that Christopher Ambrose abused his children.” (p. 14–15) When the staff at CCH interviewed the children away from Karen, their stories quickly fell apart, just as they had at Yale. Karen left CCH with the kids and returned to the hotel. The police found Karen by pinging her phone. But for five hours, she refused to release the children to them. She had our daughter live-stream the ordeal in an unconscionable betrayal of the children’s privacy. The kids’ peers in Westport watched, as did their parents; not surprisingly, invitations to playdates pretty much dried up that night. To end the stand-off, I agreed that the kids could spend the night with Karen’s chief enabler, Michelle Pawlina. The next day, rather than returning them as agreed, Pawlina took them back to CCH. The hospital alerted me, made Pawlina leave, and I picked up the kids without incident. Karen has wanted to get Gomez’s staged video into every courtroom we’ve been in. Still, not one of her five attorneys — even the flagrantly unethical Cunha — ever bothered, realizing it would only spotlight the children’s subsequent admissions at Yale and CCH. As explained, Karen works closely with two felons who destroy the reputations and lives of people they’ve never met, just like you do. But you were far quicker than either of these criminals to publish Gomez’s fraudulent claims, making you even more malicious and reckless. KAREN’S ONLINE SMEAR CAMPAIGN Around the time Gomez made his video (December 2020 — before our divorce trial even started), Karen began to publicize horrific false narratives against me on her friend Paul Boyne’s virulently anti-semitic/racist website, familycourtcircus.com. He eventually published over 200 lengthy articles accusing me of the same abuse allegations you do, as well as producing kiddie porn, hiding marital assets, and having fetishes, including for Latino boys. All these allegations were disproved in court or never even introduced due to a lack of corroboration, as the publicly available court transcripts demonstrate. Karen had Boyne publish the kids’ most confidential information, even their psychiatric records and our sealed custody evaluation. As Judge Adelman would write in The Decision, “[Karen] has caused [the children] harm by making them pawns in her marital dispute… and exposing them to the most private family matters and private psychological information on the internet without any thought as to [their] best interests.” (The Decision, p. 28). It is incomprehensible that a mother would so betray her children’s most basic right to privacy. Karen also used Boyne’s website to intimidate witnesses and anyone else she perceived as “against” her — my attorney, the GAL, custody evaluator, police detectives, DCF investigators, the kids’ therapists, the judges, the Governor, and Attorney General — she and Boyne even went after the spouses and children of these people. Everyone in our case was defamed — except Karen and her fifth attorney, Nickola Cunha. It was obvious that Karen was working with Boyne, who was unemployed and lived with his parents for years, but she adamantly denied any connection. When our trial started in March 2021, her subpoenaed phone records proved they’d communicated 147x in one ten-week period alone. Our divorce trial lasted 28 days but was spread over a calendar year, primarily because Karen asked for 17 lengthy continuances, which Judge Adelman noted only harmed her because it delayed any potential change to the custody orders. (See The Decision, p. 1, footnote 1). Karen went to absurd lengths to avoid providing evidence to me. She insisted her entire email account mysteriously vanished and was “unrecoverable.” After months of failing to submit any documentation, Judge Adelman appointed a Discovery Special Master to find the documents on her laptop. But Karen never gave the DSM her computer; another subpoena uncovered that she had paid Nerds to Go to professionally destroy her hard drive — and all the evidence on it. Other than an incomplete financial affidavit, Karen provided no evidence at all. On the flip side, she fought to introduce whatever she wanted, even if she couldn’t explain how or where she got it. She’d produce photos and purported search histories that she insisted were “proof” that I had various fetishes, but they came from a computer she had to acknowledge she used. In addition to specious evidence, Karen’s witnesses revealed her to be untrustworthy. Her psychiatrist, Margaret Coffey, whom you praise in your video, testified that Karen’s parenting was beyond reproach. However, Coffey withered on cross-examination when it became apparent that Karen hadn’t informed her about many disturbing episodes involving the kids (e.g., her texts telling them to say I abused them). Again, the court transcripts are publicly available; you could have checked this. You also could have contacted me, which you never did. Our trial was remote, so I didn’t realize that Karen moved to Florida in September 2021 to live with Frank Parlato, Jr., who was under a 19-count indictment for fraud, money laundering, and tax evasion and facing a 20-year prison sentence. Parlato had been the publicist to Keith 6 Raniere, leader of the NXIVM sex cult, who is serving a 120-year sentence for sex trafficking. Now, Parlato publishes frankreport.com, which you’re familiar with as you use his site to victimize me and spin the same lies. A couple of weeks after Karen moved in, Parlato wrote his first article about me on October 3, 2021, repeating her lies, most of which were never introduced in court because they couldn’t withstand scrutiny. Like Boyne, Parlato is obsessed with our family and has written over 170 lengthy articles, endlessly regurgitating the same falsehoods. He and Karen shamelessly exploit the kids, reporting on them nearly every day in a greedy grab for clicks. https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdny/pr/local-businessman-and-associate-indicted-fraud-and- 6 money-laundering-charges Karen’s online attacks also continue to harden the negative image of me she works so hard to create for the kids. When misinformation is published it attains a patina of credibility for unsophisticated readers like adolescents. The kids’ peers discovered the blog and subjected them to bullying, as contemporaneous school reports, texts, and emails prove. The kids and I didn’t know then that Karen and Parlato lived together, but it was evident that she was his source. After one especially tearful episode, MA emailed Karen, begging her to take down the posts about her and her brothers. I, too, contacted Karen; neither of us got a response and the articles remained — and new ones were added. I filed a defamation/invasion of privacy suit against Parlato in July 2022 (it’s still pending), and I filed a motion against Karen on behalf of the kids in August 2022, seeking to stop her from posting their confidential information. I did not ask her to stop publishing about me to show her this was solely about the kids’ best interest. But she still fought me. This motion is attached as EXHIBIT D. That motion finally got to court in Feb/March 2023. Karen testified that she barely knew Parlato (I didn’t realize then they were living together). She claimed she asked him not to publish about the kids but never produced one of the “many” emails she supposedly sent. The judge didn’t grant the injunction for legally technical reasons, but he “strongly encouraged” Karen to write Parlato to demand that he remove the posts to stop causing the kids’ “serious emotional harm.” Karen promised she would. Instead, I got taunting emails from her and Parlato, making it clear she had never written him, and more stories about the kids soon appeared. It’s hard to fathom why a mother would publicly humiliate her children no matter how any clicks it might generate for her boyfriend. I don’t know how she benefitted, but I know how much she’s cost the kids. KAREN’S INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH PARLATO Shortly after this, someone I didn’t know contacted me online to say that Karen had been living with Parlato in Florida since Sept 2021, and that on November 9, 2021 she reported a domestic violence incident so serious it included two felonies — kidnapping/false imprisonment and obstructing justice — as well as battery. That police report is attached as EXHIBIT E. I also obtained three hours of police body cam footage in which Karen describes Parlato as her “intimate” partner. The video shows officers on the phone ordering a very Parlato to return to the scene after he ran away and the neighbors discussing how troubled the couple is and how frequently police are called to the house. The body cam footage is publicly available from the Monroe County Sheriff in Cudjoe, FL (305) 745–3184. Karen refused to press the felony domestic violence charges against Parlato, which upset the Florida State Attorney and the US Attorneys prosecuting his federal case in Buffalo. The federal judge ordered him to appear and face potential incarceration for felony domestic abuse. Karen accompanied her abuser to Buffalo, prepared to testify- she even had an attorney. Because she recanted her statements, Parlato got off with anger management classes. They returned to their house in FL and continued their relationship, which is still going strong by all accounts. While living with Parlato, Karen traveled to Mobile, AL, to stay with another convicted felon, Greg Gibbons. (Parlato can’t leave the state without permission from federal authorities). I 7 don’t know if Karen visited CT, but she never asked to see the children, not once. During our trial, Karen’s fifth attorney, Nickola Cunha, insisted she had proof that Judge Adelman was biased against non-Jews. Since neither Karen nor I are Jewish, this seemed a pointless claim. But she also insisted that DCF had found me guilty of sexually abusing my kids, and that Adelman — for an unexplained reason — was ignoring this “fact.” Cunha demanded he recuse himself and declare a mistrial. At the recusal hearing before Judge Moukawsher, Cunha produced no evidence. Adelman was cleared (that decision was referenced and is Exhibit C). Cunha was ultimately disbarred for lying to the court. Karen now says Cunha was disbarred for incompetence as if that rather than Karen’s “horrendous conduct” (The Decision at p. 28) explains why she faired so poorly in the divorce. But this isn’t truthful. Cunha was disbarred for lying to the court. If Karen, who is notoriously litigious, thought Cunha was incompetent, why hasn’t she sued her for malpractice, like she sued Dr. Caverly, one of her attorneys, the head of DCF, the Governor and Attorney General, etc.? Moreover, Karen didn’t disavow Cunha’s antisemitic remarks or her lies about me. One final point about Nickola Cunha: the court ordered her to have a mental health evaluation, just like Karen. THE CUSTODY ORDERS In April 2022, Judge Adelman finalized our divorce, and awarded me permanent sole legal and physical custody. He gave Karen no contact/no visitation, which could change if, within 60 days, she had a complete psychiatric evaluation “for the purposes of developing a therapeutic course of treatment with the goal of minimizing or eliminating the [mother’s] negative behaviors that have had a negative impact on the minor children and their relationship with [the father]. Said therapy is to be more challenging than supportive in nature.” (The Decision, p. 37). Karen calls the custody orders Draconian, but they continue what was in place since April 2020 and so painfully highlight that she ignored the earlier orders and hadn’t even tried to see the kids for the last two years. Moreover, The Decision makes clear that Judge Adelman expected Karen to get the psych eval within 60 days, begin intensive therapy, and return to the kids’ lives ASAP. I wholeheartedly endorsed this plan and was confident she’d comply. But Karen continued to refuse to get help and so voluntarily didn’t see our kids for another year. https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdny/pr/mortgage-fraud-broker-sentenced-his-role-mortgage- 7 fraud-conspiracy When I initially got custody in April 2020, MA was struggling. She had gained weight and was even “cutting” briefly. I increased her therapy to twice weekly and asked how I could help. Her therapist assured me that her difficulties had little to do with me. MA was going through “complicated grief” over Karen’s sudden absence from her life. Within a couple of months, MA rebounded. Since then, she’s been a conscientious student with solid grades, activities, and a very active social life. The boys also did well. Then, in November 2022, kids at school put up a parody Instagram page using the sex abuse headlines/photos from Parlato’s website. MA called me in tears from school, but she worked through it. MCA said little but he suddenly became school-resistant, refusing to say why. I immediately involved the school and got him additional support. Karen now has MCA saying his depression was due to unspecified mistreatment by me. But this doesn’t track with what he’s said to therapists. As with MA a few years before, all his therapists — he saw four in two different programs last winter — said his depression stemmed from grief over his mom’s abandonment and was triggered by the bullying. To MCA’s credit, he worked his way back and was in a better place by the spring, though he still yearned for his mom. All three kids were in therapy, and my relationships with them felt typical. To encourage them to talk and show that their mom wasn’t taboo, I’d bring up Karen in neutral ways (“Mom only likes hot dogs well done, okay burned.”). They never talked about her, but I knew they missed her. She had been their primary caregiver; it would be unnatural for them not to be affected by her disappearance. I continued to beg Karen to see them. All she had to do was get an evaluation and therapy. But she’d angrily refuse without explanation when she bothered to answer. Despite Karen’s relentlessly brutal public denigration of me, I never trash-talked her to the kids (or publicly); in fact, I protected her. For instance, I didn’t tell them she moved away with Parlato. I explained her absence by saying she didn’t like the judge’s orders and wouldn’t follow them. Because she loves them so much but wasn’t seeing them, I’d say she must not be thinking clearly. When someone is “sick,” we can be angry at the disease, but not the person. I told them not to be angry at their mom. I didn’t want them to blame themselves for her abandonment and the intense pain it inflicted on them. I realized the kids were in covert contact with Karen; each had a phone, and they occasionally acknowledged it. I willfully ignored this, even though it was a flagrant violation of the court orders. I was heartbroken that their mom chose not to see them. My relationships with them felt positive, which their therapists regularly affirmed. If Karen’s issues led her to deprive them of the right to see their mom, at least I could allow them to talk to her. In hindsight, this was a huge mistake. Colossal. I’ve recently seen some of Karen’s digital/audio communications. I didn’t realize just how vicious she was about me. She persistently told them I was amoral, even criminal, blamed me for her absence, and twisted everything I said/did to insinuate I had contempt for them. She had them spy on me. But there was nothing to report, I had no social life. But Karen praised any proof of discord in our house. A recording MA made of me angrily reacting something unkind she did won kudos from Karen, who said it showed how “mean” I am. In short, Karen never slowed her Parental Alienation, which has deprived our kids of a “normal” relationship with their mother and essentially murdered their father, who loves them. Karen moved back to CT when Parlato was about to be sentenced to prison (though he postponed every hearing, like Karen does). I now know that in January 2023, she rented a house 10 minutes from mine and greatly intensified her alienation. She’d secretly meet the kids, telling them to lie to me. This reinforced her message: I’m not to be respected, it’s okay to deceive me, I’m an outsider to be mocked. It’s mom and them against… everyone else. KAREN TAKES THE KIDS MA had a few girlfriends sleep over on the weekend of April 21–22, 2023, which was usual. They went to a movie on Friday night and returned before curfew. The next day, Madison PD asked about a high school boy’s missing wallet. MA lied to the police and me about what she knew, so I canceled that night’s sleepover. Later, she left and sent angry texts saying she hated me, didn’t consider me her father, and wasn’t returning. I contacted the police. They eventually located her at a residence in Madison — with Karen. That was when I learned Karen was back in town. MA told the police I was abusing her. They knew the history of false allegations but had to leave her there and call DCF. Monday morning, April 24, Karen had MA skip school and took her to Juvenile Court to file a petition of abuse. So, as soon as she took MA, Karen had her make false abuse allegations against me. This is precisely what the court orders were intended to prevent and why Karen had lost custody. DCF and the police went to Karen’s house many times to interview MA. Karen wouldn’t let them enter or speak to MA privately. (Karen also refused to talk to them without her attorney but never provided an attorney’s name). Instead, she would film MA answering questions through a window. DCF had to go to the school to see MA alone. I made myself and the boys privately available whenever DCF asked. The boys made no allegations and were left in my care. On the afternoon of May 22, MCA skipped his therapy appointment and went with Manuel Gomez to file the same abuse petition his sister filed the month before. Later, the police located MAC at Karen’s, where he alleged abuse, and they left him with her. Again, Karen wouldn’t let him talk to DCF/the police alone and filmed everything. So, though Karen insisted I was abusing our children, she wouldn’t let them speak to authorities and left the youngest and presumably most vulnerable child alone with me. DCF interviewed SA — privately — several times when he was in my care. He made no allegations. On July 4, I dropped SA off at a friend’s house. Two hours later, Karen texted saying she “had” him, Gomez had picked him up. Karen had SA text his buddy saying that he had to leave early because his father was sexually abusing him and he was running away to his mother. Karen was a middle school teacher; she knows sixth-grade boys aren’t known for discretion. The entire sixth grade has now seen that text. How does SA deal with that? Her conduct is beyond selfish. Karen made other decisions that betray her lack of concern for SA. The day before taking him, she had his birth mother file an abuse petition against me. SA knows he’s adopted, but neither he nor we ever spoke to his birth mom. Now, in the middle of staggering family trauma, Karen introduced them, falsely telling her his adoptive father was molesting the son she tried to give a better life. I can’t imagine SA’s feelings or his birth mother’s. Before Karen took the kids, the therapists attested that their relationships with me were getting stronger. The kids have phones — they can contact anyone they want, including Karen’s family. They go to school every day, see teachers and coaches, and they all have individual therapists. 8 The kids never accused me of abuse or mistreatment until Karen took them. This sharp before/after divide is starkly apparent in MA and SA’s texts to me (MCA doesn’t text much). Before Karen took them, there were months of texts that were casual/friendly/loving. Immediately after, their texts accuse me of mistreatment, say they hate me. The texts are attached as EXHIBIT F. Also, once Karen took custody, each kid sent an email calling me “Chris,” not Dad, and asserting their desire to be legally free of me. They cc’d their court-appointed attorney and therapist; there’s no way they use cc’s on their own, further suggesting Karen’s involvement. Since she took them, Karen hasn’t provided their daily prescriptions, which she knows they need. The older two had many unexcused school absences, which impacted their grades, and neither took the SAT prep and other academic programs they were signed up for this summer. MA missed her final two volleyball tournaments and summer camp. SA missed lacrosse camp and tryouts for his beloved travel team. Their time with Karen has negatively impacted their quality of life, academics, and activities, current and future opportunities. The US Attorneys and FBI agents prosecuting Parlato’s case had asked me to write victim impact statements to his sentencing judge, attached as EXHIBIT G. I focused on the harm, particularly the bullying, his dozens of articles caused the kids. The FBI confirmed the bullying incidents Karen repeatedly insists that I “isolated” the kids from her family/friends. This is a lie. They 8 play online with Karen’s nephews, and I hosted her sister and her children for Xmas 2021. We tried to arrange other visits, but the toxic blowback from Karen was intense. I also set up FaceTime calls with any of Karen’s friends who asked. I declined only one of her aunts because she published hurtful opinions on Parlato’s site. with the school. But when Karen took the kids, she had them write letters denying they were bullied, saying they hated me and supported Parlato, who they did not know was their mother’s lover because I had never told them. So, Karen had them deny their painful reality, lie about their father, and praise their tormentor to help her boyfriend get a more lenient prison sentence, then she published their letters on his website. As with everything, Karen was very public about taking the kids. She publicized every event in our case online and had Parlato interview the kids, further obliterating their privacy when they were most vulnerable. He has turned them into daily spectacles, with MA, most susceptible to Karen’s manipulations, serving as chief spokesperson. You are now an integral part of this vile exploitation, preserving our three children’s ugliest moments in perpetuity for all the world. Karen also used the kids to rehabilitate herself with her father and sister, from whom she has been largely estranged. After not seeing her dad for two years, he told me, she showed up out of the blue at his New York house with MA and MCA in June (though the court had ordered her not to leave the state). The purpose of the visit seemed to be to have the kids tell their grandfather how awful I was, which had not been his experience of me as a parent. Karen’s sister, who had a very close relationship with our kids, has kept her distance. After Karen took each kid, I tried to get the police to enforce the custody orders. This wasn’t the usual adolescent playing one divorced parent against another. DCF investigations had determined Karen was so emotionally abusive she wasn’t permitted contact with them. I didn’t understand how the police did not respond. But they considered custody a “civil” matter, so I had to get orders from the family court. THE PROTECTIVE ORDERS Courts are notoriously slow, and as always, Karen used continuances to stall progress. She even accused a judge she previously liked (Rodriguez) of bias and a mistrial was declared, which stopped the proceedings. I was left me with no option other than protective orders. We had a two-day hearing with extensive testimony from the chief DCF investigator, who explained how none of the kids’ allegations withstood simple questioning, how they hadn’t made any allegations until Karen took them, and how she thwarted all efforts to interview them. At one point, the DCF investigator stopped her testimony and asked the judge to deal with Gomez, who was staring her down from the gallery. As explained, Karen uses intimidation. She also needs an audience and brings “supporters” to court. Strangely, I recognize none of them as being in her life before she lost custody. Our request for protective orders was based on coercive control, a phenomenon where someone manipulates the thoughts, emotions, and actions of a “weaker” person. Despite what she now claims, Karen believes in this doctrine and throughout our divorce claimed I coercively controlled her and the kids. But their therapists, DCF, and the judges always disagreed. Judge O’Neill had us return to court on August 8 for his ruling. That morning, Karen didn’t show up. She filed another continuance, falsely claiming that our daughter had been in a car accident. (MA had been admitted to the hospital with acute alcohol poisoning while on Karen’s watch, and was already scheduled to be discharged later that day). The judge granted the protective orders. Karen was directed in absentia to return the kids and not use third parties to interfere with custody. Karen’s courtroom fangirls alerted her, and when the police arrived at her house, she and the kids were already gone. I was frantic. Karen had fled with the children in 2020, and police had to find them. Now she had their passports, missing from my house since MA took the box they were in. Cutting through much time and drama, we learned that the kids had arrived — unannounced — at Karen’s dad’s house in Rhode Island. They said they came by Uber, but Uber has no record of that. Karen’s dad (Bob) had heard her stories that I was abusive, which the kids echoed. Then he received a package that included your defamatory diagnosis, Gomez’s 2020 video “interviews,” and other damning information. Richard Luthmann sent this material (he also sent it to judges, US Attorneys, and unidentified members of the media). Luthmann writes obsessively about us for Parlato’s site, sometimes under the name “Dick Lafontaine.” Like Parlato, Boyne, and Gibbons, Luthmann is a convicted felon. Recently released from years in prison for extortion and fraud, he has a history of violence, serious mental health issues, and drug abuse. He now lives with his mother because, according to public documents, he is destitute, just like Boyne. DCF in RI investigated the kids’ claims. Again, I was completely cleared. Bob realized I was “safe.” But as soon as he made efforts to return the kids to me, Karen had her criminal posse interfere again. Bob had cut ties with her because he didn’t like the people she associated with, and he was shaken when Gomez left him a frighteningly angry warning not to allow me to see my kids. The day before I was to pick them up, the kids told Bob they were going to the beach. But they didn’t return. We filed a missing persons report. Hours later, the police found them in Mt. Pleasant, NY, at the home of Karen’s childhood friend, Carmen Bates. Bates claimed she hadn’t been in touch with Karen, but her story to police is ridiculous: her friend’s children, whom she had met maybe 3x and hadn’t seen in five years, showed up at her house without any warning, asking if they could stay with her. Bates didn’t contact Bob, whom she’d known her whole life, Karen, the police or child protective services. She said she told no one. But, as the ongoing criminal investigation revealed, Karen, Bates and others deliberately evaded the lawful custody orders. On September 15, we returned to court to get the kids back. Judge O’Neill heard testimony from DCF, who has now substantiated a case of psychological child abuse against Karen, and confirmed that she continued to contact the kids in contempt of the orders. Karen took the Fifth, knowing her answers would incriminate her. I didn’t subpoena Bob out of respect so he wouldn’t have to testify against his daughter., and told the court I didn’t want Karen incarcerated. I only wanted the kids back. The judge issued supplemental orders, found Karen in contempt, and honored my request. He warned that he wouldn’t hesitate to imprison her if she was in contempt again. She already is. The kids were still at Bates’ house in NY. Six investigators from Child Protective Services (CPS) interviewed them over the next few days. I was cleared — again — of all allegations. When CPS and the police arrived to get them, the kids called Karen’s posse. Body cam footage recorded the children being ordered not to return to me. The police planned to return with a court order the next day. But late that night, Karen’s enablers, including Bates, Gomez and Pawlina, moved the kids to prevent their return. Police located them at Karen’s cousin’s house in Rockland County, NY. Like Karen’s dad, he is supportive of me, but the kids are in constant contact with Karen’s network, all of whom direct them not to leave because they’ll never see their mother again. School started August 29, they have yet to attend. MA and MCA are juniors, missing a critical year will not help their college aspirations. Your alarming misinformation and “professional” opinions are complicit in the effort to keep my kids from complying with what’s in their best interests, as determined by child protective services in three states. Like Karen, you insist that a corrupt system has enabled me — for four years, in three states! — to acquire and keep custody even though I supposedly terrorize my children. Let’s consider the people who’d have to be involved in such a conspiracy: ◦ Fourteen judges in five courthouses (nine of them are involved solely due to Karen’s forum shopping, frivolous motions, and lawsuits, all of which have been dismissed); ◦ My attorney; ◦ Karen’s five attorneys; ◦ The GAL, appointed due to Karen’s misconduct and agreed to by her lawyer; ◦ The custody evaluator, recommended by Karen’s attorney; ◦ The 12 therapists who have worked with the kids, as well as the hospitals and agencies they’re affiliated with; ◦ The reunification therapist, agreed to by Karen; ◦ Doctors, nurses, and social workers at two of the most respected hospitals in the country (Yale New Haven and Connecticut Children’s), involved due to Karen’s allegations; ◦ Police officers and detectives from Westport, Guilford, Old Saybrook, and Madison, CT, Narragansett, RI, Westchester and Rockland, NY — all brought into the case because of Karen’s conduct; ◦ Troopers and detectives from the Connecticut State Police, involved due to Karen’s conduct; ◦ Teachers, counselors, and administrators at four different schools; ◦ Over a 20 caseworkers, investigators, and supervisors from child protective services in three states, all involved due to Karen’s conduct or reports against me by her or her associates; and ◦ Connecticut’s Governor, Chief of State Police, Chair of DCF, Attorney General and other named officials, all of whom Karen has sued for conspiring against her. (Her suits have all been dismissed, as was her malpractice suit against the custody evaluator). According to you, every one of these individuals agreed to give the kids to me and ignore “evidence” that I molest them; not one of these people — or their colleagues, supervisors, or subordinates — ever spoke up about this diabolical plot. And the legitimate media have collectively ignored this cabal that you and other bloggers/influencers claim to have exposed. Does any part of that not sound completely preposterous? I’ve continued to encourage Karen to do the right thing for the kids. As Judge Adelman wrote, “The undisputed evidence is that the [father], despite the [mother’s] behavior, has made efforts to work with her and to not present a negative view of her to the children…She has done just the opposite by undermining his parental role, and she has demeaned him as a person.” (The Decision, p. 28). Even after all Karen’s done, I’m trying to keep her in the kids lives because that’s best for them. Attached as EXHIBIT H is one email I sent her; she has yet to respond. Instead of working with me to give them two parents, Karen’s turned them against their father by using her boyfriend Parlato, Luthmann, Gomez, Boyne, Cunha, Gibbons, Soderman, and now you. What an embarrassing collection. You hurl life-shattering falsehoods against people you’ve never met and spin false tales in a pathetic need to be seen as a white knight. You are dangerous, malicious, and pitiful. So, you’re lying to yourself and everyone else when you earnestly claim to be a voice for abused children and women. In fact, you’re their most sinister abuser. If you cared about my kids, you would have immediately taken the video of me supposedly abusing them straight to the authorities. Instead, you publicize it to titillate in a craven pursuit of more clicks — to benefit your wallet and make you feel relevant. You report me to authorities, indicating you believe public officials will do what’s in children’s best interest. Yet you ignore the many investigations already conducted by those same authorities — in three states! — not to mention the decisions of multiple Superior Court judges. How do you justify this inconsistency? Your posts about my kids have been seen by their hometown peers, who now ridicule them for the tawdry spectacle you have created. You have ensured the worst chapter in their young lives will be available perpetually for all to see — current and future classmates, colleagues, employers, and partners. You will re-victimize them whenever a new person Googles their name or discovers your site. You will be held accountable for the trauma you shamefully inflict on them and me. DEMANDS I demand that you: 1. Immediately remove from any and all platforms/forums whatsoever, including the websites specifically identified herein, all defamatory and disparaging remarks concerning me and all references to my children; and 2. Immediately cease and desist cyberstalking me and publishing defamatory statements about me or sharing any information about my children, whether the statements are made by you or by third parties; and 3. Immediately publish a retraction of all of your defamatory statements, including all allegations of abuse made by you or others on your sites. The retractions must appear on all of the same websites and in the manner comparable to that of the original statements and disseminated to the same audiences. Stating that you are publishing the retraction to avoid litigation or that I denied your statements will not do. Your retractions must be frank and full acknowledgements of all defamatory statements and cyberstalking; and 4. Immediately apologize to me and my children on all of those websites in a manner comparable to your original publication for your many false statements, cyberstalking, and the harm you have caused.Aweak, grudging or half-hearted effort will not suffice. The apology must be frank and full. If you do not comply with the above demands within ten days from the date hereof, this letter will serve as notice that I will vigorously pursue all legal remedies, including filing a lawsuit for defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and harassment. I will also report your defamation and other unethical conduct to Substack, Amazon, Thomas Dunn Books/Macmillan, Columbia University, Harvard Medical School, the New York University School of Law Center, Gail Shelly, Robert Jay Liston, William J. Doherty, and others. In a May 3 letter, you offer your professional analysis of me saying it “is strongly suggestive that a diagnosis of psychopathy is present and justified.” We have never met or spoken, you have never contacted me, and I never authorized you to render a professional opinion. Your conduct is patently unethical. While you note that the “standard requirement is to make a reasonable attempt at an interview,” you never bothered to contact me to solicit my consent, a meeting or anything else. You state your opinion that I am likely psychopathic is based on a conversation with Riordan and a review of unidentified “written statements,” some of which I supposedly wrote. Riordan is extremely hostile toward me, which you know; that a doctor would base an opinion on the word of such a biased reporter seems to be malpractice. You also acknowledge that an assessment of psychopathy typically relies on various records, such as interviews with friends, relatives, and coworkers, and records of actual behavior patterns. Yet, other than Riordan, you did not interview anyone. Nor do you reference any “records” that supposedly show “patterns of behavior.” You have insinuated yourself into a searingly painful episode in my family’s life and greatly exacerbated our harm. You claim to seek the truth, but you ignore public records and rely on the lies of a scorned ex, her bought-and-paid-for “professionals,” and disreputable self-appointed “journalists” enmeshed with her. In addition to consulting a criminal attorney, I respectfully suggest you find a good therapist to explore your motivation, hubris, and cruelty.
cc: Department of Professional Conduct