A Loving Father’s Cry for Help

Bandy X. Lee
6 min readMar 24, 2024

Family Courts Not Only Destroy Loving Mothers; They Also Destroy Loving Fathers

I have not independently verified the following story, but it is remarkably consistent with many others I have verified. The Family Court “playbook” is so repetitive, there is very little individual variation: one can almost predict and postdict the entire course of any case, without knowing many details. What Family Courts do is clear: they are a predatory organization that destroys families for the private plunder their judges, Court-appointed actors, and Court-connected “experts” (those “from the bottom of the barrel” who are all interconnected and work together to “fix” the results). They are an affront to the values of humanity, to the children and future society we are trying to protect, and to human decency. Their ugliness and brutality rival the maximum-security prisons where I have worked, where gladiator fights, gang rapes, and murder with impunity flourished — only they are worse, as they force innocent children who cannot fight back into situations of equal violence, sexual slavery, and death, before their lives even begin. I reproduce a father’s communication here, with permission, since fathers being caught up in the Family Court carnage are rare but significant — revealing that the powerful and well-funded “Fathers’ Rights groups” do not help loving fathers but should be renamed “Abusers’ Rights groups” — as what they actually foster is a culture of abuse, regardless of gender.


I read about you online and am desperate looking for help and at least awareness. I was married to an extreme covert narcissistic woman who destroyed my whole life, also financially. We have 2 children together and I have 1 child from a previous marriage. All of these children have been and are still being abused, sexually, physically, and they have been brainwashed and conditioned. My oldest came forward recently that he had been molested by an older son of my ex. We realized that that same person had also molested my younger son who is 10 now, since he was a baby. My younger son doesn’t speak up, though, and my older son is afraid to do anything legally necessary.

I had almost full custody of the 2 minor children after a courageous and not corrupt GAL (guardian ad litem) did a 2 to 3 year investigation and it was very clear that the mother’s environment was completely inappropriate. Within a year she had that turned around, though, with help of a corrupt parenting coordinator who she most likely paid off and has an extremely bad name here. It is impossible to put in a few words how corrupt and biased that lady is — it is like she enjoys destroying lives.

There is a whole clique of corrupt “mental health” professionals that all know each other and the family court people like judges. My ex had way better finances than I and had a very unethical lawyer who is openly being unethical without any repercussions. He knows the judges, these “mental health” professionals, everybody knows each other.

My now 10 year old has severe trauma and is on a path to suicide, but I can not even get him treatment, because each time a counselor suspects anything, they are bullied out of the door. The counselor he is seeing now is completely controlled by mother and her lawyer. I could not even hold onto a restraining order to the molester, resulting that he can now openly, and with the help of mental health and family court mafia, molest my 10 year old. Mother is openly and clearly alienating the children without any repercussions.

I am a pro se litigant and am not getting anywhere in the Courts, the judge has been playing games, he is buddy-buddy with the parenting coordinator (PC) and her lawyer, and he is openly making sure that nothing goes my way, despite overwhelming evidence of abuse, physical [and] sexual. He is openly punishing me for filing a complaint against his PC, which went nowhere, because everybody is connected.

I have a now 22-year-old who is completely traumatized due to sexual and other abuse, a 10-year-old who is traumatized had been proven to be physically abused by my ex’s boyfriend and is sexually abused by her older son since he was a baby, sent back to these same abusers right after a lot of the abuse was proven due to the corrupt PC and corrupt and unethical counselors. I also have a 9-year-old who is permanently anxious. Both of the young kids are having physical problems, but it’s like the courts and counselors are able to put out and sustain a completely different story, labeling me as some kind of crazy parent on behalf of my ex. It is almost like the judge is enjoying it, and in all his actions he is covering himself. It is like dealing with the mafia who is completely siding with my ex, and hand-in-hand they are destroying children. It is just waiting for something to happen with my 10-year-old now, either to himself or to somebody else.

I am trying to obtain services of a lawyer again, because not having one did get me killed in court, but my business was intentionally destroyed, and I am still in deep debt due to actions of my ex, which in fact the courts seemed to find funny. The PC and judge have continuously made all kind of negative remarks about my financial situation and used that against me. Even after I lost everything I had left in a hurricane, they used that against me. I feel like in this county I stand no chance, because I am permanently labeled and everybody knows everybody. This means in reality that my children have no chance.

My 10-year-old is on his way to become just another statistic, and it will probably be blamed on me. My kids have so much potential, but mom is allowed to completely condition them as loyal followers subject to continuous abuse but so conditioned that they do not speak up. Mom works in the school system and has this clan of flying monkeys, she uses school system resources like lawyers to help her, for instance. It is hard to find a more abusive person than her. Her older son, the pedophile, is who he is because the way she raised him. It’s a whole family of completely disgusting people helping each other and attacking me, and my children are being pulled into that environment.

This was made very clear to the court by the GAL but overturned really quickly, with the judge lecturing me and ridiculing me, stating that everything had changed. It was really only because I dared filing a complaint against his PC that turned him into acting completely against me while covering himself, and it hasn’t stopped since. The coward even had another judge decide over a restraining order I had, because he knows all the evidence and it would have been hard for him to deny that order, but now they were able to throw most of the evidence out due to it being “hearsay”, sending a 10-year-old straight back to his molester, who has been molesting him since he was a baby and further making the road for me impossible, because I was labeled as filing a fake complaint. It’s like being permanently gaslighted by a whole clan of people.

I don’t know how to get out of this mess anymore and how I am able to rescue my children that, with the mental health and family court mafia here, are being systematically destroyed. So I desperately need help, and it is hard because my financial resources are bad. My whole life was destroyed intentionally, and then when I was in the process of trying to get back on my feet, I lost everything in a hurricane.

I see my children being destroyed before my eyes, and I feel helpless and hopeless.


[Name Redacted]



Bandy X. Lee

Forensic psychiatrist, violence expert, president of the World Mental Health Coalition (worldmhc.org), and New York Times bestselling author.