There are No ‘Winners’ in Family Court

How Family Court Victimizes Even ‘Winners’ — and My Brother-in-Law is a Primary Example

I have a brother-in-law who is a diagnosed psychopath. He fooled me as well. Most people consider psychopaths to be scary, but they simply have a personality disorder that is easily lured into crime; they are not criminals by nature. They are lured into crime, because they do not understand human love — only that they are outside of it — and their expression of their longing is to reject it and harm it.

In my view, there is no such thing as a “successful psychopath”; a masterful appearance of success is still not success, no matter the ladders one may climb, and threatening and conning everyone into believing that one is a terrific parent does not make a true parent for the children. Ideal appearances and external actions do not compensate for the internal havoc one wreaks, wherever one goes.

This is why I call psychopathy, “the most debilitating disorder in all psychiatry.” If one had schizophrenia, at least one’s humanity can emerge once the symptoms are treated. With psychopathy, because afflicted persons deal with their lack of humanity not by working on themselves but by building an impeccable façade of the opposite, there is almost no way to reach them. But there is always something one can do: one can set limits, carefully work on behavior so that the person can participate in society without causing harm, and maybe some true satisfaction can emerge.

Family Courts, unconscionably, do the opposite. They prey on this vulnerability in psychopathic personalities by promising them unlimited power and financial rewards — if only they took the children! The depravity behind sacrificing children for profit — using authority to plunder rather than protect the most vulnerable in society — is why I call Family Courts, “a culture of psychopathy.” Of course, psychopaths are very sick individuals, and handing them their fantasy descends them into magalomania, magnifies their violence, and may result in murder, suicide, and murder-suicide, as we so commonly see.

Hence, truly, shame on Family Courts.

My brother-in-law had a reason to feel perplexed. His wife had a relationship with her children that was the envy of anyone who observed them. Even other children noticed: “Wow, you have that with your mom!” He married her because this was what he yearned for, but he tried to seize what he did not have by pretending, and with children, a masterful imitation of humanity, empathy, and compassion does not replace the real thing.

This is how the inside story came to be so terrifying. My brother-in-law’s divorce was not so much a decision as a panicked reaction to being “found out.” He did not know that, when someone cries out in pain, it is not a personal attack on him — it just means the person is in pain. Out of aggrieved expectations and entitlement, he started taking ruthlessly and, startled at how little he was left with, he responded by taking even more — but that is not how human relationships work. Hence, he ended up injuring his children, kidnapping them to hide his injury, and almost killing their mother numerous times.

These are the pathological dynamics Family Courts magnify and even manufacture, where the problem becomes cancerous and metastasizes. It is ironic that they are allowed to bring psychological equivalents of brass knuckles and crowbars to the most unsuspecting, innocent children and mothers who enter — expecting justice — who are suddenly shocked to discover that they are being bludgeoned if not killed. They typically never recover enough to fight, which further helps Family Courts hide their atrocities.

Psychopathic spouses may watch this with delight, but they do not know that they are only harming themselves. The smart ones leave the trap altogether, attenuate their destructive drives, and compromise at a level closer to reality, before it is too late. I still hold out hope that my brother-in-law will be smart.

Dear Alan,

You have now been served my lawsuit. This is just the very first of many, unless you decide otherwise. The choice is yours.

Have you realized by now that you have been duped by a corrupt court? You were led into believing that you could have everything, and Patricia nothing.

Notwithstanding all the money you have spent on players in your corrupt court — not to mention on compromising them with money under the table — there is no way Patricia is constitutionally capable of making the kind of money you are demanding.

The bottom line is that, despite the many promises they made to you, you have been taken for a ride. There is almost no possibility that the sham rulings of this corrupt court will not be thrown out when we are through with you.

There will be all kinds of unintended costs you have not factored in — and for all that you have spent for nothing, you could have supported your children for the next one hundred years! Hence, if you were smart, you would cut your losses. You would be reasonable and compromise, not continue to escalate your war against your family,

every time your self-inflicted wounds cause more losses. Your fantasy of gaining “everything” will never come to pass — and no amount of conning, lying, gaslighting, and contorting will alter reality, and the Truth will catch up with you.

Let the Truth set you free instead.

All your life, you have wanted to experience love. You will never have that experience until you learn to give love.

You were lucky to have a wife who is not greedy, who would have gladly done all the hard work of raising your children, and help you to have a great relationship with them in ways that all your abducting, isolating, coercing, and “brainwashing” could never do (it is not as easy as you thought, is it?).

Right now they have to pretend, as they are your prisoners, but it is a given that, when those children turn eighteen, they will never forgive you for what you have done. No matter what stories you conjure up, they will never forget your separating them from their mother — without giving them even one minute with her!

The irony is that, ultimately, it is really you who have lost your children, for holding them hostage in your house. And you dealt with their discontent by forcing them to smile, not even giving them the freedom to feel what they feel!

You do not really want these children. If you really wanted them, you would not have made an emergency recruitment of your father to fill the role as you abandoned them.

Look at your children: they stopped growing. That is a sign of extreme trauma! Any psychologist would tell you that abruptly and totally depriving children of their mother, just because you wish to punish her, is irreparably damaging for children.

X and Y do not even look like children; they look like two waifs or concentration camp inmates. If you really wanted them, if you loved them, they would not look the way they do. And there are sources that have informed Patricia of the unspeakable abuses they have endured from you.

The real irony is that, all your life you wished to experience love — but all you have done makes it impossible for you to experience love. You had the fortune of having the most loving wife and the most affectionate children one could imagine — and all you did was punish them for having what you did not have in your childhood.

Please, do the right thing, and maybe — just maybe — you can redeem yourself in the eyes of your children as well as of God, whom you seem to believe you can mock.

Keep at this, and you will come to know that the biggest victim is you!

One of the people who deluded you and colluded with you that you could have “everything” is Evelyn Nissirios. Sooner or later, she will not be able to deflect all lawsuits coming at her with her “judicial immunity,” and she will have to enter discovery. Do you know what will be revealed? Dozens of children trafficked to their torture, battery, attempted murder, rape, pedophilic sex rings, child pornography, and Satanic cults, in the most depraved way! This is the company you have kept and trusted, above your own family!

And the extreme degree to which Jane Gallina-Mecca has aided and abetted you with extreme bias — the exact opposite of what a judge is supposed to do — is now about to get her disrobed.

What you might succeed in doing is causing Patricia’s physical demise, and I promise you, if this should come to pass, I will make sure that you will be held responsible for murder. And, above all, both your children will know who is responsible for her death.

If you expect your children to take care of you in your old age, you may be shocked to discover that they will not give you the time of day.

Wake up, Alan! We were never your enemy, but you insisted on making yourself ours, and this does not serve you.

How sad, pathetic, and tragic that, after seventeen years of marriage to a woman who gave you everything she had, you now hate this woman who is incapable of hatred but can only love. How sad! How tragic for Patricia, the children, and most of all for you!

Here is your choice: we can continue this process in appellate court, civil court, criminal court, and the U.S. Supreme Court until you receive your just reckoning, or you can do the right thing and settle this in a fair and equitable manner.

It is a given that we will be in court for however many years it takes — five, ten, fifteen — until the children are returned to their mother. And the house you intend to seize — come hell or high water — will be the least of what you owe me.

You are not wise enough at this point to know what you will ultimately realize — that what you did to your wife and children, you did to yourself.

What you do not understand is that this court, pretending to support you, has made a fool of you, draining all your funds and hemorrhaging all your money. Can you see that Evelyn Nissirios and Jane Gallina-Mecca took you for a sap — a fool’s fool? What this court has “awarded” you will never come to pass, because no legitimate appellate court that operates with integrity will uphold it.

You should be able to see now that you would have been way ahead of the game, had you settled this five years ago as a responsible husband and father. There are countless examples of children who disown their parents after years of abuse in this way. If you are counting on your children to take care of you in your old age, you may be in for a rude awakening.

The solutions are all before you. We could resolve in a day what your court could not solve in the last five years, and what will be challenged over the next fifteen years.

There is still time, a last opportunity for you to rectify the situation. Otherwise, we all suffer. You have almost killed Patricia, you have taken years off of your father’s life, and frankly you have broken my own father’s heart: you almost killed three people!

You have taken years off the life of your father and my father, and the two children in your house are suffering a slow death. I thus appeal to you to do the right thing, and let this be over for all of us. If you do, then perhaps for the first time in your life, you will experience love.

I am not your enemy. What I am expressing to you is the only possible way that we could all heal. We are all in need of healing, and especially you, Alan.

Love,
Bandy